Gender: Female, Sexuality: Enigma,
Disabled and autistic as hell.
Profile largely abandoned. New one’s over at lemmy.zip
In horror games, I always try to domesticate the monster by letting it follow me around the map without catching me. Then I have a buddy.
You know what weirdly does fill me with dread though? Space games. I played around with space engine and it doesn’t matter what I’m looking at or where I am, I am just super uncomfortable and want to stop. Those’re my horror games.
I’m not the only one who thought it was fucking hilarious, right? I know it’s supposed to be body horror, and I do generally find Junji Ito’s stuff goddamn disturbing and horrifying, but this is the first one I saw and it just looked so funny to me that all his other stuff caught me completely off guard.
Also a trans woman, same experience. Somehow getting compliments all the time has been one of the hardest parts to adjust to. Dunno how to respond to them, and can’t distinguish which ones are creepy because they all feel good after so long of getting none.
I do a similar thing to help myself get started, and the secret is it doesn’t have to be chores. Step one can be literally anything that’s easy to do that you’re not currently doing. For instance, my step one is often something as simple as talking to somebody. Then step 2 is something closer to what you need to do. Like if I’m gonna need to do something that requires more energy, my step 2 could be taking a walk, or if I can’t get myself to do that, pacing around a bit.
You just work up until doing the task you need to do becomes the natural conclusion. If my task was cleaning the bathroom, the next step after walking might be brushing my teeth, then I say “Well I’m already up and doing stuff, and I’m already in the bathroom. Might as well clean it.”
And it’s not always gonna work, which I think is okay, as long as it works often enough that my space remains livable.
That’s what I do. If somebody’s gonna be pissed no matter how you pronounce it, might as well piss them all off equally.
Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually ask somebody to leave where I’m from. If it gets too late and our guests are still there, guess they’re staying the night. Luckily, most people leave before then.
I’ve lived most of my life in tiny Vermont villages, for context.
Don’t even have to be that old to experience that. There’s this weird phenomenon where if you’re born at the tail end of the 90s, anyone born 2000 onward feels infinitely younger, even if the actual age difference is only a few years.
I was born 1998 and I still look at anybody born in 2000 like “you’ve gotta be 12 years old max.”
Fun fact, you can still hallucinate with aphantasia. Or so I’ve heard at least. I guess hallucinating and imagining with the mind’s eye must work with different mechanisms.
I’ve always heard other women have this problem, but I’ve personally only ever experienced it with expensive brands like designer stuff, which designers for some reason think all women are so tiny that their size 18 should only be just barely big enough to fit a middle school girl.
Cheap stuff, especially stuff I find at walmart and such, seems extrodinarily consistent, to the point where I just pick up my size or one higher if they don’t have it, and don’t even bother to check if it fits.
Shoe sizes however… I’m 99% sure those are supposed to be standard, and yet I’ve found size 9s and size 12s that were the same size. Got sick of it and now I only buy men’s shoes unless I need something fancy. Even then, logger boots are fancy enough to me.
Perhaps this will enlighten you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZVwFa-Fz5Q
And in case you don’t feel like watching that: It’s a meme harkening back to the stupidity displayed on a well known tumblr post, one of the many displays of which was somebody insisting 2 was odd.
Also see this Ace Attorney version, which is hilarious and the first place I’d heard of it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFcyYnUHVBA
I like your positivity.
Luckily, I am happy most of the time nowadays, just, y’know, in spite of my disorder.
This is what I do. If I don’t want solutions, I always start with “This is just a rant, I don’t need solutions, but…”
Usually that exact quote, so it’s completely unambiguous. If I didn’t start with something like that, 99% chance I’ll be okay with presented solutions.
As somebody with schizoaffective, I don’t understand where you’re coming from saying it means I’m the only one with power over myself. In fact, I’ve found even after being well medicated I’m incredibly easy to manipulate. All you have to do is tell me somebody’s trying to control me and instantly I’ve spun a 2000 foot deep web about how they’re doing it. Then you just tell me you have the solution and suddenly I’m eating out of your hand.
And my emotional barrier is paper thin. I only look unaffected by things. In reality if I’m the slightest bit scared or upset, I’m breaking down inside and spinning another web to fill in the cracks. My whole existence is built on delusions and lies I’ve built up to keep myself together, such that even now that I’m in a place where I theoretically could start breaking them down and rebuilding properly, I won’t, because I’d fall apart, and I can’t handle that.
I’ve decided to just be happy being fucked up. Not because that’s right, but because that’s the only thing I can survive.
Unfortunately, don’t think we can do any of those to any significant effect. We’re both on medicaid and non-taxable disability income. In other words, we don’t usually legally have to file taxes unless we had some other kind of income that year because it’s just gonna be a long string of zeros.
What we can do though is file for disability as a married couple, then we can legally save up a lot more money in exchange for being paid slightly less. The requirements for that are just living together and “holding yourself out as a married couple to the community you live.” Well, actually, there is a bit of awkwardness with the wording last I checked that accidentally makes it only apply to heterosexual couples, but I’m sure they legally have to apply the rule to homosexual couples as well. We’ll see anyway.
I believe we also have the same visitation rights as a married couple if we’re ever hospitalized, which is helpful considering we’ve both found ourselves hospitalized as a result of our disabilities a few times. I’m not certain about that though. We had quite a distance separating us every time that’s happened so far, so haven’t had the opportunity to test that.
I hate the whole “its” being converted to “it’s” no matter what thing, but what I hate more is when I teach the keyboard a word, and it STILL won’t let me use it. Taught my keyboard “that’d” and it would autocorrect it to “that’s” every time. And unlike other words, if I went back and manually corrected it back, it wouldn’t leave it, it’d force it back to “that’s” again and refuse to let me change it. Come to think of it, it did that with “it’d” to “it’s” too. Eventually I just switched to a different keyboard with much less aggressive autocorrect, since I still need the autocorrect to type with any semblance of speed due to minor coordination issues.
My old keyboard abruptly started autocorrecting more typos into what I was saying than it corrected toward the end anyway. Probably some shoddy attempt to implement AI auto correction.
Luckily, I did look up the laws for my state, and legally we aren’t technically married, but we do have the right and sometimes the obligation to apply for some marriage related benefits. It’s weirdly inconsistent.
I wouldn’t know. My wife’s the only person I’ve ever dated. Probably wouldn’t just do that with random dates though. My wife and I knew eachother for a while before we were dating and got close even before then. That’s why I was comfortable calling her my wife. I was confident it’d last. Even then it wasn’t until a while in the relationship that we started doing it.
Plus we’d been getting mistaken for a married couple quite a lot, so I figured why not just act like one? Takes off the pressure to actually get married too early, too. After all, what’s there to gain that we can’t gain without it?
The day I added a GameCube to my retro setup was the day I accepted everyone gets old eventually.