I spent 20 years traveling the world with the US Air Force, and I met many different people from many different cultures. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have conflicting world views with some of the folks I’ve met over the years.

There were times, early in my career, when I felt other cultures were just wrong and needed to change everything about themselves and the way they operate in order to get themselves out of the poverty and violence and hatred that they lived in. It turns out, my way of thinking was wrong.

The thing that helped me the most was actually taking an “Introduction to Culture” course through the Community College of the Air Force. It introduced me to the mindset behind other cultures and why some people I ran into just seemed to be unapologetically biased and/or racist/bigoted toward “outsiders.”

Learning how other cultures think and associate with others of their own culture helped me to get a mental foothold on differing opinions. I was able to discuss logic and reason from a common ground, not just a Western mentality viewpoint. I learned how to “speak their language,” so to speak. And even though I couldn’t change everyone’s world views, I was at least able to relate and discuss topics on equal footing.

And at the end of the day, you have to realize that everyone is their own unique individual. Sure, a particular culture and/or religion may go against everything you hold dear in your life, but individuals’ opinions may not be as resolute as the overarching culture may appear. Some people are open to new ideas and creative ways of thinking. You need to be aware of your personal biases (we ALL have them) and work to help others overcome their own biases at the same time, while not being accusatory or judgemental.

You can’t just tell people to educate themselves, but you can educate yourself, then share your knowledge and experience with others and try to come to an understanding. There are entire cultures out there who can’t see themselves as individuals with unique hopes and dreams. They only function as individual “worker ants,” supporting the ideals of their overarching culture and families. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it makes it hard to convince them of the importance of individual people, especially members of a group that’s contradictory to the teachings of their own culture. They have an especially hard time separating individuals from the group’s belief structure.

Teaching tolerance to groups who thrive on intolerance is very difficult, but it starts by relating to and positively influencing individuals. It won’t happen overnight, but good impressions can leave a lasting effect. And you need to be able to swallow your pride and don’t let your biases get the better of you. Be caring and respectful and let their own biases crumble under their own scrutiny. There’s no simple or direct way to do this, but if you spend enough time around others, you might find small ways to relate to them, then work on expanding your common ground.

Humans compartmentalize because we don’t have the cognitive ability to understand everything in the universe. It simplifies our world so we can better understand it. But racism and bigotry is a nasty side effect; we assign biased opinions on entire cultures so we don’t have to re-learn about every single member of a culture. But it’s important to fight against that urge to stereotype and teach others how to avoid it too. People deserve a chance to prove themselves, and you need to be able to give them that chance, even if it takes them a few tries. Some people just need a guiding hand and some extra opportunities to figure out how to be better. Most people need it, to some degree. All you can do is try not to give in to your own biases and help gently lead others to identifying their own biases.