What’s your positive examples of men, fathers, friends, work colleagues, brothers, etc where they were or are emotionally available?
I feel in todays’ society, men are pressured to fit into this image of having to be emotionless. Thus most of us grow up in empty homes with emotionally absent fathers. That sucks and I don’t want my kids to have to suffer such such
I won’t reply probably but I’m interested in your answers. Thanks in advance!
PS;nsfw
Also, this is why I often would indulge in watching porn - because I crave emotional connection/availability. But I don’t need to have my mind cluttered with these images and so, hence I want to practice being emotionally self-aware, present and safe
I have a bit of of a different experience in regards to this because I’m a neurodivergent and queer trans man. So I’ve had to spend a lot of time untangling my thoughts on masculinity. Personally, one of the main observations I’ve made is how emotionally constipated the men around me are. Usually something to the effect of “I can’t be mistaken as gay becuase it might result in social or physical harm coming to me” So I suppose my advice would be to work on allowing yourself to feel things without judgement (which is a lot easier said than done, of course). A good starting point would be to either talk with a therapist/support group, or if that option is not available, then independently reviewing/working through psychiatry material yourself. I would start with the book “The Body Keeps the Score” because in my experience, most people experience trauma at some point or another in their lives, including men. That can help you build a more stable mental framework for working through your own experiences of being emotionally stifled.
As far as general advice, I would look to other queer men/masc for opinions as well, cuz a lot of us have internal and external experiences with working through emotional suppression. Usually because as a cohort, we don’t tend to feel as beholden to the social “ideal” of masculine.
Back when I was on reddit I also found that r/menslib was a welcoming space for men and masc folks to discuss men’s issues (such as the lack of emotional intimacy) without devolving into an incel/misogyny forum.
::: spoiler I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn conceptually, but the industry is full of exploitation due to an intersection of capitalist exploitation, patriarchal exploitation, and the fact that sex work is often criminalized. So seeking out more ethically produced porn would be a way to minimize the more unsavory aspects. You could also consider the merits of indulging in literary erotica or pornographic art instead, as these options often focus more on emotional intimacy or fetishes, and are on average less exploitative. :::
I’m just one dude on the internet though, and it’s good that you’re looking for a variety of inputs on this, we could use more emotionally healthy men in the world.