I am asking this out of curiosity: I do not have any fetishes that are problems. However, this can be an important topic for people with obessive, harmful or shame-inducing fetishes. Do not assume anyone here or on other websites is an expert, or that anything is medical advice!
I’ve seen a few conflicting answers on different websites when I searched this up. Many people baselessly claim that fetishes are just permanent and should be accepted and managed. Many others anecdotally claim that some fetishes, especially ones acquired later through exploration, dull or disappear within a year once they are no longer re-enforced. I’ve also seen someone claim understanding the appeal of their fetish and substituting it with a preferred analogue helped them.
(It’s worth noting many of these anecdotes are on porn-abstinence forums famous for pseudo-scientific approaches to the matter, but they’re probably authentic experiences even if the reasoning is conjecture)
I also wonder if a revolting or traumatic experience would destroy a fetish, like how many people have a story about a food or drink (esp. alcohol) they can no longer tolerate after having a bad experience or falling ill afterwards. Not that I would want anyone to attempt the Ludovico Technique…
I’m no deeply educated kink guru, but the concept of fetishes always seemed a bit broad and fuzzy to me. Maybe some people really truly cannot experience sexual pleasure without engaging in their fetish, but for others it’s more of a very strong preference, or even just a space they’re excited about exploring.
Sexuality is fluid and highly contextual. For me, there are elements of my sexuality that have shifted over the years but I still like novelty (“spicing things up” as they say) and (probably due to my religious upbringing) a certain thrill when it feels like one is doing something a little “wrong” or transgressive. Those don’t really lend themselves to set patterns or “fetishes” because if you do anything enough it can feel normal and routine.
For somebody with a lot of enduring shame actually that might even “anchor” a fetish maybe, the ones who like things so transgressive that they will never be normalized in our society. Sex is weird.