My wife was scooping ice cream and said “We’d better hurry up its getting soft!” I couldn’t resist.

  • KittenBiscuits@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    “I often sit at home and rub my carpet.”

    I swear to the flying spaghetti monster, the Lowes flooring associate said this to me when I was booking installation services.

  • buycurious@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    “I was on my knees this entire weekend.”

    Someone was describing how they’d been pulling out weeds out of their garden.

  • hoodlem@hoodlem.me
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    1 year ago

    Me talking about my dad’s new truck: “This is the nicest, biggest backseat I’ve ever been in”

  • collin93@feddit.nl
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    1 year ago

    A group of us got into an elevator to go down a floor and the elevator went up instead. Someone said “I guess you have to go up before you can go down”.

  • Pooptimist@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    My wife’s granddad was a carpenter and lost some fingers to the saw. He’s also a hunter and when I asked how he can shoot without fingers she said: “a stump is enough” and I just had to