I’m transmasc by the way. I know it happens to other femboys and it sucks for them too but for me it feels super invalidating and makes me feel dysphoric to be told I should be a girl 😭
If they’re telling you you’d be pretty as a girl rather than mistaking you for one, doesn’t that imply you’re passing as a guy? Seems to me you could choose to interpret it as validating, in a backhanded way.
(Then again, I’m just a cis guy passing by from “all,” so what do I know?)
They’re invalidating me saying they think I am a girl, they see me as a girl. Maybe it’s nice that I pass as male on some level with them, but they still see me as a girl in some capacity, and that’s a lose in my book, since they still treat me like one, call me one, and use she/her pronouns even when I cry and tell them to stop. Also telling me that I can’t be a boy because “boys don’t like to wear dresses and skirts”.
Bro, fuck those bigots. I’m sorry, I know it’s easier to nominally have friends even if you hate them in high school, but those people are dumb, close minded, and making you feel bad.
I like to dance contra, which has a long tradition of men wearing skirts. You aren’t locked out of whimsy because you’re a man, neither are you immune to spinniness.
Agreed, though for some of them it’s a challenge since they’re not just friends but also colleagues and I can’t as easily cut them out of my life. I’m stuck dealing with them, for a while anyway.
Thank you for the nice words of affirmation.
Worst thing I didn’t realize from being young is: keeping people around who are going to eventually leave no matter what cuz they didn’t actually respect me isn’t worth it.
Show them enough respect to get what you need out of them but don’t be friendly with them because they don’t actually care about you and none of it’s real. They’re being social friendly just enough but it’s not real and they don’t really care about you.
Don’t get emotionally invested and don’t let people close to you who don’t know you and who you know cause you pain, otherwise you’re just causing self harm to not be alone and the scars will ruin close social relationships. Colleagues should ne at arm’s length you, can tell them that they’re being inappropriate, you can just walk away you, can ignore them, be cold to them give them social situations to make them feel uncomfortable like they do you and cut them out.
I promise you in 2 years agter graduation none of them will probably be around. None of them will probably helped you with a job (networking it almost exclusively better with older people in the industry NOT your own rivals for jobs).
And you’re going to have spent time juggling relationships that were a waste of your time and that they never cared. Carry around scars for your future partners and friends, ways you wont trust because of a casual acquaintance. It’s as bad as having a cheating partner for causing you to mistrust and feel unsable to force yourself to be friendly with people who don’t care about you.
None of what they say matters to them or they even process it in social situations. They dont put themselves into your shoes.
I’m it feels like everything to you and so it feels like it’ll be everything to them, but no they won’t remember you for anythings but a stereotypes they formed in their head 2 months after you haven’t been around. Then a year later they may have the vaguest recollection.
Only you will remember this in 10 years. Act with respect for yourself, not them and not what you’ve been told they’ll be good for.
Because you won’t lie at night wishing you had given more of yourselves to others. You wont wish you made yourself more vulnerable, more easy to hurt by letting cold and thoughtless people into a close place where they can hurt you. You’ll wish you had walked away rather than cause wounds you’ll never be able to heal.
Maybe there’s a silver lining? I’m just a clueless cis guy but for someone to talk to you from that (unkind) angle wouldn’t it mean they’re assuming you’re male, and therefore passing?
![egg😣irl [Transmasc] [CW: Transphobia]](https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/bf39ba1f-b01c-43fd-b899-79756511c574.webp){kind=link}
I’m transmasc by the way. I know it happens to other femboys and it sucks for them too but for me it feels super invalidating and makes me feel dysphoric to be told I should be a girl 😭
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If they’re telling you you’d be pretty as a girl rather than mistaking you for one, doesn’t that imply you’re passing as a guy? Seems to me you could choose to interpret it as validating, in a backhanded way.
(Then again, I’m just a cis guy passing by from “all,” so what do I know?)
They’re invalidating me saying they think I am a girl, they see me as a girl. Maybe it’s nice that I pass as male on some level with them, but they still see me as a girl in some capacity, and that’s a lose in my book, since they still treat me like one, call me one, and use she/her pronouns even when I cry and tell them to stop. Also telling me that I can’t be a boy because “boys don’t like to wear dresses and skirts”.
Bro, fuck those bigots. I’m sorry, I know it’s easier to nominally have friends even if you hate them in high school, but those people are dumb, close minded, and making you feel bad.
I like to dance contra, which has a long tradition of men wearing skirts. You aren’t locked out of whimsy because you’re a man, neither are you immune to spinniness.
Agreed, though for some of them it’s a challenge since they’re not just friends but also colleagues and I can’t as easily cut them out of my life. I’m stuck dealing with them, for a while anyway. Thank you for the nice words of affirmation.
Worst thing I didn’t realize from being young is: keeping people around who are going to eventually leave no matter what cuz they didn’t actually respect me isn’t worth it.
Show them enough respect to get what you need out of them but don’t be friendly with them because they don’t actually care about you and none of it’s real. They’re being social friendly just enough but it’s not real and they don’t really care about you.
Don’t get emotionally invested and don’t let people close to you who don’t know you and who you know cause you pain, otherwise you’re just causing self harm to not be alone and the scars will ruin close social relationships. Colleagues should ne at arm’s length you, can tell them that they’re being inappropriate, you can just walk away you, can ignore them, be cold to them give them social situations to make them feel uncomfortable like they do you and cut them out.
I promise you in 2 years agter graduation none of them will probably be around. None of them will probably helped you with a job (networking it almost exclusively better with older people in the industry NOT your own rivals for jobs).
And you’re going to have spent time juggling relationships that were a waste of your time and that they never cared. Carry around scars for your future partners and friends, ways you wont trust because of a casual acquaintance. It’s as bad as having a cheating partner for causing you to mistrust and feel unsable to force yourself to be friendly with people who don’t care about you.
None of what they say matters to them or they even process it in social situations. They dont put themselves into your shoes.
I’m it feels like everything to you and so it feels like it’ll be everything to them, but no they won’t remember you for anythings but a stereotypes they formed in their head 2 months after you haven’t been around. Then a year later they may have the vaguest recollection.
Only you will remember this in 10 years. Act with respect for yourself, not them and not what you’ve been told they’ll be good for.
Because you won’t lie at night wishing you had given more of yourselves to others. You wont wish you made yourself more vulnerable, more easy to hurt by letting cold and thoughtless people into a close place where they can hurt you. You’ll wish you had walked away rather than cause wounds you’ll never be able to heal.
Scotland calls bullshit
you do you, ignore idiots!
Damn, I’m sorry that happens to you.
Maybe there’s a silver lining? I’m just a clueless cis guy but for someone to talk to you from that (unkind) angle wouldn’t it mean they’re assuming you’re male, and therefore passing?