Breath Taker
fungiverse.wordpress.com
Humans, their cringy problems and how I stopped to care (A Novella) ⠀“Technology is not neutral. We’re inside of what we make, and it’s inside of us. We’re living in a world of co…

cross-posted from: https://feddit.de/post/5328368

The idea is to have a piece of fiction that you can give a person to experience the Fediverse while also being moderately entertained in the process. So: would you give this story to a person that doesn’t know anything about the Fediverse? I would love to hear your opinions. I will try to incorporate feedback into the story but no promises!

  • blue_berry@feddit.deOPEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I’ll be honest, I only made it halfway into the first paragraph. Such as they are, the thin paragraphs coupled with multiple-screens-no-formatting length makes it impossible to follow the text

    That’s unfortunate. I will try to fix it. The WriteFreely-Server I used keeps crashing so I switched to Wordpress …

    plus at least from the first paragraph it reads like generated AI nonsense.

    I wrote it myself :D But its fine. I hoped it would be fun to read.

    Is that the point, though? As in, is this my wooooosh-moment? Is this supposed to say that the Fediverse is too difficult to consume and makes no sense at first?

    No, it shouldn’t :( It should just be fantasy/magic realism

    • sbv@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      I wrote it myself :D But its fine. I hoped it would be fun to read.

      Getting someone else to edit it would help. There’s a lot going on in every sentence.

    • Carighan Maconar@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Damn, I’m sorry for coming off so negative tbh.

      I will try to read more later after work, but some thing I can quickly point out as far as constructive feedback goes, about the formatting/display:

      I know this isn’t how you intended to upload it, but the issue in readability I think comes from a combination of:

      • Font size (it’s too big for the narrow text column).
      • Column width (it’s too narrow for the length of each paragraph).
      • Paragraph length (it’s too long for the font size).

      You want to ideally get two of those three under control, the third you would leave as desired for effect. For example if you compare most prose when shown on a Tolino or Kindle at default settings, they definitely keep long paragraphs in there, but the font size is smaller and the column wide compared to the height (given how tall these text paragraphs end up given the font size). So once the text size goes down slightly and the column gets wider, the paragraphs naturally no longer “feel” as long as they’d be 60%-80% of a screen, not 150%-200%.

      And sorry for not explaining this any better, I have a friend who talks a lot about this but it’s difficult to translate it all into english in my mind while recalling it. 😅

      • blue_berry@feddit.deOPEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        Its fine. Honest feedback is always good. Have to see what I can do about the format