- cross-posted to:
- sciencefiction@lemmy.world
- solarpunk@slrpnk.net
- cross-posted to:
- sciencefiction@lemmy.world
- solarpunk@slrpnk.net
cross-posted from: https://feddit.de/post/5328368
The idea is to have a piece of fiction that you can give a person to experience the Fediverse while also being moderately entertained in the process. So: would you give this story to a person that doesn’t know anything about the Fediverse? I would love to hear your opinions. I will try to incorporate feedback into the story but no promises!
That’s unfortunate. I will try to fix it. The WriteFreely-Server I used keeps crashing so I switched to Wordpress …
I wrote it myself :D But its fine. I hoped it would be fun to read.
No, it shouldn’t :( It should just be fantasy/magic realism
Getting someone else to edit it would help. There’s a lot going on in every sentence.
Yeah, probably. So you like the story in general its just too much going on?
Damn, I’m sorry for coming off so negative tbh.
I will try to read more later after work, but some thing I can quickly point out as far as constructive feedback goes, about the formatting/display:
I know this isn’t how you intended to upload it, but the issue in readability I think comes from a combination of:
You want to ideally get two of those three under control, the third you would leave as desired for effect. For example if you compare most prose when shown on a Tolino or Kindle at default settings, they definitely keep long paragraphs in there, but the font size is smaller and the column wide compared to the height (given how tall these text paragraphs end up given the font size). So once the text size goes down slightly and the column gets wider, the paragraphs naturally no longer “feel” as long as they’d be 60%-80% of a screen, not 150%-200%.
And sorry for not explaining this any better, I have a friend who talks a lot about this but it’s difficult to translate it all into english in my mind while recalling it. 😅
Its fine. Honest feedback is always good. Have to see what I can do about the format