Yeah, I was thinking the same. Seems like he just smashed through the wall.

Celestial cards

With celestial cards, do you mean spectral cards? I was thinking that celestial cards and planet cards refer to the same thing.

Yeah, this makes me feel like I don’t really want to go there. It’s frustrating, because it seems like when I follow the routine of a ‘normal’ person. I tend to get very tired and anxious over time. But If I want to find some routine more suited to myself, it will be practically impossible to survive.

That definitely helps. I find it difficult to get myself to exercise sometimes, but walking is something I can enjoy.

Yeah, I think I’m in the digging out stage now. It seems to be very difficult for me to take care of myself while I have to work for income.

Thanks for the suggestions! I will look into the book, and the website is great (I made something like this myself in my linked notes)

Therapy seems to be a bit harder for me. I didn’t have anyone with specific experience, and found that the typical talk therapy does not really benefit me (I already spent years researching this myself, so it does not really help to have somebody else repeat it to me). I’ll try to find somebody, but seems like it’s quite difficult.

I think the actual rule is: ‘no sexual misconduct’ aka rape, harrasment, etc.

Many of the rules are simplified for the course of 10 days. (easy to have no sexual misconduct if you have no sexual activities at all)

Same with the rule ‘No talking’. The actual rule is ‘Don’t speak harsh words, lies, or deception’. Which is again much easier if you simply don’t speak at all.

I feel like WFH actually helps me because I have more control over my time and can actually take breaks instead of having to pretend to be busy all the time. But in reality, I did spend much more time just in front of my desk and forcing myself to look at my screen, even though I’m not doing anything useful at the moment.

Often I was working, having meetings and eating, all at my desk. And then in the evening, I keep sitting at my desk and just start browsing or gaming. After a while, it’s no wonder one becomes depressed.

For some reason I feel it’s unfair though. Like why do I need to spend my free time meditating, doing sports, and maintaining my physical and mental wellbeing, just to be able to keep working for 8 hours a day? Isn’t it enough that they already get 8 hours? Even worse for people that used to commute for multiple hours each day in the past.

Yeah, I feel you. How would you even counter this kind of feeling. Like everytime you are happy, you wouldn’t even allow yourself to really enjoy it. Because you feel like you don’t deserve it.

What’s your experience with SSRIs? I never wanted to even try because I feel I would just get used to them after a while and then be stuck paying for medication without really feeling better.

This was pretty much me in university and during the first years of my work. It just feels like endless postponing of actually doing the things you want. But it never comes.

I’m starting to wonder if I just have much less capacity (in terms of energy) than other people.

Thanks for the links. I feel the inertia strongly sometimes. Even when doing something I normally consider fun, I often find it difficult to stop and do something else when it starts getting less fun / boring.

Great that you found something that works for you. Going outside is definitely helpful, but I also feel that that is the most difficult for me to do in such times. I hope I can turn it into more of a habit going into the future

I’m pretty impressed that people can still have moments of doomscrolling and enough time to also go outside and meditate, and then still be capable of working enough to earn money to survive.

I think going outside for a walk and meditation are both great. But they are also the first things I tend to drop when overwhelmed with work. Which of course makes it only get worse over time.

I think distracting yourself from bad feelings can also be dangerous of itself when taken to extremes though. I remember using games to distract myself from bad feelings, but then I would play too much, start feeling uncomfortable, and feeling like I need to play more games. (which just made everything worse)

Of course you should still have time to do things that make you happy. But often I found that things I thought were special interests, were more like things I do to distract myself from bad feelings instead of things I actually like.

Yeah, that describes it pretty well. And probably also Avolition

Oh wow, I didn’t know. Thanks! Makes some more brain hormones

I feel like this has a similar effect to meditation. Every time I just wait for a moment and see what my brain suggests I do (instead of just keeping wasting time on my computer), it actually feels pretty ok. Like even if I remember I still have to do cleaning, actually doing the cleaning at that moment feels less effortful and takes less time.

I think it’s a good suggestion. Just the moment that I need it the most, is also the moment that I won’t be able to pull myself from whatever I’m doing at that moment. Maybe I should try and make it more consistent, have a specific moment each day to just do nothing…

Walking definitely does help me. And my sleep is fine as far as I can tell. Disconnecting is an issue though, I feel like all my hobbies are related to using the computer and I work as a software engineer, so very difficult to avoid being exposed to / reminded of online media and such.

Still didn’t find a good solution for this. But I do notice that If I meditate regularly, it’s easier to avoid spending all day on my computer.

Heel erg bedankt voor je suggesties!

I’m living in a different country now, and can only contact my friends in the evening hours (And I find it very difficult to talk to them about these kind of things.) My partner is very helpful for me, but I cannot expect them to deal with my worries all the time (I also don’t want to drag them down.)

Professional help would be useful, but thus far, I have not found anyone that really seemed to understand my situation. I find it very difficult to connect with anyone, even with my parents and friends I often have to push myself to keep any meaningful connection.

I have the opposite problem actually. I feel like I’m not thinking much at all (probably from a continuous shutdown) During these moments, constantly thinking and feeling seems like an improvement.