Yo dawg, we heard you like engine braking so we gave you engine breaking in your engine braking!

Another, there is.

Frakkin Cylons! I knew it!

You may attract python too!

Car companies cry in bankrupt

Now, therefore, as president I shall urge the Congress to enact the Writ of Habeas Dorkus, requiring a person under the influence of cerebral diarrhea to be brought before some type of human greater than 4 and one-half years of age, especially to secure the person’s sufficient mental competence to be able to wipe their own ass without first tuning in to the TV for guidance, specific instruction, and moral support.

Saw a kid puke in the pool once on a Disney cruise. You shoulda seen those cast members come running in full hazmat suits and shut down the entire deck! A finely tuned machine, like swappin tires at the Indy 500. If Disney ever got into the military-industrial complex they would take over the world. Worth every penny.

The list is disappointingly missing many variants, such as:

1. The Spork (an invention commonly attributed to Samuel W. Francis, but which remains in doubt)
2. The Knork, from the popular show Knork and Knindy (knanu-knanu)
3. Neptune’s trident (four out of five dentists recommend it)
4. Cluster fork (as experienced by yours truly at least once per fortnight when production goes down)
5. The most ancient and purest form of all: the monofork, aka kebap skewer

There is nothing on that seasonal display barge worth 150 dollary-doos. Or is there? What year is it and what’s the inflation rate?

I’m also mildly concerned about the handcuffs in the top-shelf plastic bin.

Where tomatoes?

If that was the one with the built-in sharpener, that kid was ballin’

Why would one ever need to sharpen crayons? Why you ask? Because reasons!

It appears the market has spoken, thus you must clearly upgrade your ring cutting equipment.

That is, unless the poor sap acquired the titanium ring from Boeing or Airbus’ supplier. Then maybe you can use kindergarten stubby scissors.

Put a glide in your stride, and a dip in yo hip, and come on to the mothership

If it’s on I-5 in the CA central valley, it’s doesn’t. It sits in the fast lane right next to its buddy blocking traffic for 50 miles. Then it can’t get it up when ol’ Tehachapi comes a callin.

For me it was the guy in slide one with the lil’ sebastian pony tail. Brick man is just the washed up kool-aid man after the royalties ran out and the brain damage kicked it from repeated head trauma (plus diabeetus). Ohh nooo!

I mean, he wasn’t exactly working up a sweat on that scooter even *before * they attached a sled-pulling dog to it…

I guess the life-saving vaccine in his fanny pack must get through somehow. Sure looks cold there - how will they possibly make it against all odds?

Why on earth would we try to make snakes faster? Science has gone too far this time. What’s next, give them arms?

800 amps is almost enough to run Roblox at 23 fps

Type B seen some shit, and it is probably Type-I’s fault. Regardless, I want whatever life strategy Type-K’s figured out.

That hideous alien creature on the wing during a storm? Me. That’s me. I saved 19 bucks on my ticket and got TWO bags of peanuts on standby! The peanuts blew away one by one somewhere over Iowa but I had beef jerky backup, as all responsible travelers do.

That guy stuffed into a 1970’s Samsonite in the unpressurized baggage hold? Also me.

One time I mailed myself through USPS. If it fits it ships flat rate!! It hurt when I got drop-kicked onto a porch though. More emotionally than anything else.