My oldest dog, Lady - a 13 yr old cocker spaniel - has been having massive bloody noses lately. Like, I come home and it looks like a murder scene in my living room. The vet hasn’t figured out what’s happening to her, but she was scheduled for a specialist to take a look in a couple weeks.

I took her to the emergency vet the other night because, on top of the bloody noses, one of her eyes is super red and kind of bulgy. Turns out, she might have a tumor in her head behind her eye socket. Which would explain the bloody noses and bulging red eye. Her specialist appt was bumped up and we’ll find out for sure later this week.

I’ve had this dog since she was 2 years old; rescued her from a shelter after her previous family abandoned her on the streets as a puppy. And since my wife and I can’t have kids, our dogs are basically our children. So it’s hard coming to grips with the fact that they’re getting old and may not live much longer.

I expected something like this to eventually happen, but now that she’s having medical issues and is in constant pain, my wife and I are already talking about the possibility of having to put her down if we can’t remove the tumor. Money is not an issue; we’ll gladly dish it out to get her an operation. But she’s also getting old and her other medical issues are increasing (arthritis in her hips, fatty lumps popping up everywhere, clotting pores turning into itchy red bumps, her hearing is almost gone, etc.) so we’re preparing for the worst scenario.

She’s the sweetest dog in the world. Totally introverted; she won’t lick faces, but she enthusiastically licks hands and forearms when she’s excited and happy. She’s embarrassed to cuddle anyone for long, but you can tell she’s happy when she’s being given loving attention and she grins from ear to ear even if I just talk sweetly toward her. She always makes an effort to follow me from room to room, even if she just quietly hangs out somewhere nearby. She’s totally a daddy’s girl. I suspect her former family treated her like garbage because she’s extremely reserved and shy and it’s been a decade-long struggle to get her out of her shell. My wife and I used to think she was mute because she never barked, just quietly whined, or huffed and puffed when she wanted something. Getting another dog who was extremely outgoing helped her get out of her shell a bit, and now she sometimes barks if she needs something and we haven’t given her attention.

She’s just old, and eventually, we’ll need to end her suffering if/when it gets too much for her. And I’ve been depressed thinking about it all week.

EDIT: I just lost my dad to Parkinson’s Disease in January this year, so having another near and dear family member suffering from a potentially fatal issue is just hitting a bit hard right now.