> be me, sick, in dire need of money for surgery and recurring eczema-like infection (non-sexual wart maybe? I’ve never touched anyone), also jobless '22 CS grad, didn’t learn shit in 4 years
> staying with parents not frowned, but being jobless, to an extreme level in my culture
> Wannabe elitist me - “Windows is for normies, time to embrace GPL baby”
> REEEEE, muh privacy! - I am become geek, embracer of mediocrity. Delete as many normie apps as possible.
> wasted time on learning C, because I wanted to be a pro like my idol Linus, couldn’t understand shit about pointers and malloc, gave up
> was working on Svelte project recently (stupid decision, no one near me hiring for that), got tired of CSS shenanigans with Tailwind and building my own web components (another stupid decision), git push changes and abandoned another project
> no project to show, haven’t touched DSA since April, garbage resume apart from a few open source contributions here and there
> See ping from Whatsapp, classmate bought a bike from the money he earned, they have gone on a group trip to Shimla/Goa/Ladakh/insert-cool-places.
$ sudo ./depression.sh
Are you having negative thoughts? [yes/no/maybe]: m
Get rekt lol, exiting....
> deletes every last social media I had, phone number, screw social life, screw networking, screw negativity, try to embrace Zen
> only three numbers in my phonebook - my mom, my dad, my younger sibling, yet I haven’t talked to them properly in the four years living in their house.
> bored after testing bugs for “superior Linux”, tries looking for a language superior like C, modern and not cringe like Rust
> comes across a new programming language, functional, beautiful code
> weeee, I wanna learn OCaml now
A year has passed, didn’t learn shit apart from mashing keyboard for shell commands, learning garbage computer stuff like Docker, React and some niche OLAP database like DuckDB, also building OSS apps on my device to try them out and contribute to bugs. Didn’t get out of my room during my b’day thinking about my failures, spent sleepless nights; my younger cousin will marry soon, apply for master’s degree in the US, also has a rich fiance because birds of a feather; while I’m stuck in my parent’s house penniless, no ancestral land, no savings, born to a broke family, struggled since birth. I’m an ascetic, yet to achieve enlightenment. Stuck in the cycle of learning useless crap. Even mid-teens are smarter than me, writing their own Arduino, compiler and stuff, like wtf.
Anons, what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with your CS skills, you have tried many things, most devs start with less experience than you and still get good jobs. You’re confusing marketing fueled life stories on linkedin with real people. Don’t worry about starting and abandoning personal projects, we all do that. Believe me, it will be easier to build nice things once you will be paid for it.
Also you should start some hobby that makes you meet people, for example a martial art (there’s something for everyone, don’t trust stereotypes), it will help you grow your social skills in a controled environment which should make it easier for your social anxiety.
We’ve been there, it will get better for you too.